Response to "Kids" -Alyson Smith

      "Kids" is a story told from the perspective of a shy somewhat nerdy young girl named Jenny while away at a Christian camp. The other girls seem to be fascinated with growing up too fast by shaving, wearing makeup, etc, while Jenny is more concerned with finishing her LOTR book.
     I liked your descriptions of the girls in the beginning but I got bit confused when the story began with a flood of characters and then the main focus was only about two of them. I liked the idea of this story and how this is supposed to be a Christian camp yet girls will be girls and boys will be boys. Yet we have Jenny and she seems to be the only one who actually went to learn about Jesus. 
        I think I would've liked if the narrator and her cabin mates had been older, because they appear to only be about 11 or 12. I also felt that the narrator was so sheltered that I wanted her to be home-schooled or from a small town-close-knit community type of environment, some place where she wouldn't have had a lot of social interaction. I also felt like Jenny didn't change as much as I would've liked. I love your detail and imagery, but I want to see Jenny change and come out of her shell more.

Response to "Chase"

      This story is about a girl named Caroline and her boyfriend Chase and how they've both contracted herpes. They meet at a lounge to discuss this among other things and while there, Caroline has flashbacks of their relationship. This story had me laughing from the start. The first two sentences are probably two of my favorite parts of the story. ("The only reason I‟m sitting with my ex who gave me human cytomegalovirus is because I‟m bored. Human cytomegalovirus is the most elegant way to say “I've got herpes.”) This story is just hilarious to me and I loved the way you took a normally serious subject and presented it in a humorous way without over-doing it. I feel like you took the elephant in the room so-to-speak and addressed it without offending someone. 
       I loved the way you described the different scenes as well. Another favorite of mine was when you said something along the lines of the sisters giving each other "aww eyes." I could picture that whole scene clearly in my head and I loved it. I actually "laughed out loud" I think. I also like the way you paint Chases passive attitude towards their relationship especially in the tattoo shop. When Caroline is reminiscing we get an idea of what kind of relationship they had, but there is a sense that he really did and maybe still does love her, and I think you're able to capture that with the subtleties of his personality. I loved this story overall. The only questions I had were about who broke up with who and how did Chase get herpes in the first place? Other than that I thought this story really worked well.

Response to "With Sweat Stripes Across Our Bellies"

     This story centers around a daughter/ family who watches as their mother begins to forget normal everyday things due to the fact that she has Dementia. I love the way the story was written, from the daughters point of view, and also the use of detail within her memories. The daughter seems nostalgic but at the same time just still glad that her mother is simply alive and able to do what she still can. I loved the idea of this story and I thought your use of poetic language worked well, including within the title. I loved your bits of dialogue, although I think I might would've liked to see a bit more of it. I also would like to know when the mothers Dementia started exactly considering shes now eighty-four. 
      I loved the fact that the title corresponded to the last line of the story and I think it also appears within the story. I think that image is powerful and really gives you a sense of the bond the mother and her daughter shared while gardening. It was clearly something important to them both. I also liked how you took the idea of a nurse who is accustomed to taking care of people, yet when it comes to her own mother, the territory becomes unfamiliar. I love that because I think it's something we all consider at least once in our lifetime. You mentioned the narrators children and husband, and I kind of wanted to know more about them because it seemed that the mother was now living with them? Or were they living with the mother? I would love to see some dialogue say for instance between the teenage boy and his mom discussing "grandma's condition" or what thing she forgot today or something like that. The husband could also chime in and lend to the situation as well. Over all I really enjoyed this story.

Response to "Fortune"

      I really liked how this story was written as it was happening and it covered like a 20 minute or so time frame. I like the idea of the two terrible men who break into his house so unexpectedly that the narrator is just blindsided and somewhat indifferent on top of being afraid. But then again, what do you really do in a situation such as that? I love how you described what was happening on the television along with the actual robbery like the narrator was comparing what was actually going on with that on the television(the whole "Wheel of Fortune" juxtaposing his life). I thought your use of poetic language and imagery was good as well.
       There were times I felt like maybe there were too many explanations after your descriptions. I felt like some of the metaphors explained themselves and maybe you didn't need to tell us again. I also wanted to see more of the narrator. I liked how the dog seemed to play a big role in his life but I think I wanted more of the narrator. I guess a little back-story on him would've been nice. Other than that, I really loved this story and how it was written. I wanted to keep reading and maybe learn that he made it to the door or maybe he ended up getting shot? I kind of wanted him to barely escape, you know, he reaches the door and a bullet ricochet off the door. But overall great story.   

Response to "Beyond the Line"

     This story centers around war and how its main character Isaac deals with being a soldier and not only a soldier but a major. Even thought he's a soldier we learn how easygoing Isaac is through the narrators description of him and the interactions he misses with his wife. We also learn how sympathetic he is when he refuses to go along with the third mission which would result in the death of several school children. I'm assuming the war takes place in the middle east considering the subtle setting descriptions of the terrain, desert, and etc.

     I loved the story and your use of "military jargin" throughout it but I felt like I got lost in it at times and it distracted me a bit. I thought your use of detail and imagery was great especially concerning Isaac. Your story reminded me of my brother's letters that he would write back home while he was going through basic training, so I really liked how you gave us the sort of mental aspect of being a soldier. I kind of wanted the action to begin a bit earlier though I think. The real story doesn't begin until the missions start and I think I'd like to see more conflict between maybe Isaac and Maguire. I wanted to know what war exactly they were fighting in. Overall I really enjoyed this story.

Response to "Curtis and Deangelo"

      This story starts off and we're introduced to Curtis who's at a casino in Las Vegas and not having very much luck. He plays a few games until Deangelo is introduced and I'm assuming that Curtis and Deangelo are either close friends or perhaps brothers ( I was a bit confused about their relationship). The two of them leave the casino in a taxi and we hear the story of a car accident that happened years before. Then the story moves to a scene in the hospital with Curtis's dad recovering from surgery and he receives a phone call from Deangelo revealing his father has died. It seemed that there were two stories in one. We're given bits of Curtis's life mixed in with Deangelos.
     I loved how dialogue was used to move the story along and it seemed natural. I was a bit confused at times as to whether Curtis was talking or Deangelo.  I thought the story taking place in Las Vegas was great and I really liked the idea of having the two guys both be terrible gamblers and have such attitudes toward women. I thought it made them seem like the typical men who go to Las Vegas just to get laid and get rich-I loved it. But I did find it hard to understand somethings. I had trouble telling who's father died ( I assumed it was Deangelo's father) but I felt that a tag or something could've clarified that for me. I also wanted to know more about these two guys and why exactly they were in Las Vegas. Who is Mr. Berry exactly? Are Deangelo and Curtis brothers? If not I think that maybe it'd be interesting to have them actually be brothers and allow us to figure that at the end. And lastly I'm not sure if I really understood what the story was actually about. I think both men could essentially be their own story so-to-speak. Both men are complicated enough it seems like to write about them individually. You could expand on Curtis's gambling problem (if he has one), or maybe he's upset about his father so he's more inclined to drink and gamble at this time.

Response to "Brotherly Love"

     I loved how family oriented everyone seemed to be in this story. I liked how we were presented with the idea of  two brothers living together and the "uncle" is actually the caretaker of the kids. We learn that their whole family had pretty much grown up in that one house and it seemed that everything fell apart at the start of William wanting to move because of a job offer. I thought the tension created from that worked well and even more considering we aren't dealing with a husband and wife, we're dealing with brothers.

         One of my favorite points in the story was the dialogue between William and Sam when she throws his the box of band-aids and they refer to each other as "Samuel" and "Aunt Wilma." I thought you portrayed the kids "being kids" well especially with young Jacob playing Mario Kart and not wanting to stop, even for his own birthday dinner and later gifts. I thought it added to the tention nicely. 

     I thought your use of imagery was great especially with the very first line of the story showing how William sliced his finger. It really grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading. There were some instances however where I wanted a bit more explanation. For example, I wanted to know more about why William kept the cigarette in his pocket if he didn't smoke it. I know he mentions something about having a friend who smoked, but I wanted to know if that friend died or something like that. I also thought the burglary scene could've shown or explained more. At first I wasn't sure if it was a prank by one of the brothers ( I think perhaps I wanted it to be) or what. However since it wasn't a prank, I think I wanted it to be scarier or more life threatening than it seemed. But overall enjoyed reading this story and I loved the sarcasm thrown in throughout as well.

Response to "Dress Rehersal"

     This story centers around two sisters who go to school together and experience the typical adolescent issues. It opens with the two of them shopping for prom dresses, none of which Kate like, leaving Diana to love them all. They seems to get along great until the events of the story unfold and we learn that the play Kate has been cast in ( as only an extra) and the ever popular boy drama cause a shift in their relationship.

       I enjoyed the imagery in the story and I could imagine all of the scenes presented even on down to the way Diana peeks out of the dressing room to make sure no one else sees her in the dress. How many times have I done that? I liked how you used the play to help reveal Kate's personality toward Sean and also everyone else. She's only been cast as an extra yet she seems to feel that her role is just as important as the stars of the play. She compares the stress level of the play to that of her college application forms which I found ironic and great for her character. Her issues with identity were painted nicely especially during the dress rehearsal when she says "Hi, yes my name is Kate. I'm Diana's older sister..." I loved that. 

       In general I really enjoyed reading this story, however I think I'd like to know more about Kate and why she has these identity issues or even for instance with the play why she feels the need to be important. Diana seemed like the older sister at times to me and I wanted to understand their relationship a bit more. Is she prettier or smarter, is she more popular? Also (and maybe its just me) but I kind of wanted to know what Sean was really about considering he asked the both of the girls to prom when Kate refused to go with him. I think the character development on both ends could help clear up a lot of questions.

Response to Aimee Bender's "Off"

        In this story Aimee Bender gives us a character who  is full of herself but hilarious. She's the newly rich girl who thinks/knows she's "all that." She devises a plan to kiss three boys in one night, all with different hair colors representing the three flavors, strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate (a redhead, a blond, and black/dark haired fellow).

        Her conflicts arise when her plans to kiss the guys don't exactly go the way she intended and she finds herself reverting back to old tactics. I love the way Bender paints her as the individual who pays close attention to detail and people (especially men). We learn that she's rich because of an inheritance which would suggest that maybe there was once a point when she was mid-to lower class, which makes the conversation between her and the redhead all the more interesting. She's the "odd man out" at the party clearly and the only reason she's there is because the host "feels sorry for her" and possibly because she's rich now. I feel like that's why she's so observant. She watches each guy she intends to kiss and sums up their personalities quick along with the people they're conversing with in order to learn how to interrupt their conversation. I think the fact that she was once a painter makes it all the more interesting because we tend to think that artist pay close attention to detail. They see the color where most people see the black and white and i think that's what Bender's character does in this story. I loved the open thought process of the character/narrator. I felt like I was at the party seeing all of the things she was seeing while also even beginning to think like her. 

       I think the title of this story is fun and almost describes the narrator in a way. I feel like in all of her confidence she is a bit "off." I feel that it's good to be confident but here it seems she longs for attention. For example, even naming her dog "Off" seemed like it was done like she explained to "fuck with people's heads." I loved the descriptions and the little witty sayings thrown into the story. I felt they made the story funny and more personal.

Response to T.C. Boyle's "The Love of My Life"

      In this short story T.C. Boyle shows the triumphs and trials of a teenage relationship. The two main characters are constantly deeming what they feel is real love or what love is in general. But when conflict arises (such as teen pregnancy) the characters don't share that love they once shared.

       I like how the characters were taken completely out of their element here and placed in this situation. Pregnancy is pretty serious especially for a teenager, not to mention one who has just gone off to college. I found it interesting that the two main characters, China and Jeremy, were described as these two people who hated "over-breeders"  and how getting pregnant is the worst thing that could ever happen to someone there age. For China to actually end up pregnant was a bit of a shock because as the reader you think she'd be that last person on earth to let that happen to her.

       I found it interesting how Boyle decided to take the story in the direction he chose by allowing the characters to throw the baby in the dumpster, almost as some sort of love test towards Jeremy. I have to think that he must have really loved China in order to get rid of the baby for her and not at least think of something else they could do. Here we see true love being torn apart because everything else after that goes down hill for the two of them. I liked how Boyle captured China's thought of real love also through the initial scene with her thoughts of what sex is supposed to be, when in reality they shouldn't be having it at all and that's not the definition of real love. This story also captures the whole "it only takes one time" saying and how one mistake can change your life. Its the stereotypical story of the teen pregnancy and it works. But rather than the usual pregnancy pushing the two father apart, its the smaller conflicts within the big picture that cause China and Jeremy to become more distant. I guess you could say its a conventional story presented in the non-conventional way and it works.

Response to "Vacation from Boyhood"

       This story is about two boys who set out on a trip to exhibit their manhood while also reviving the old times they used to spend together growing up. The trip seems to go as planned with a few mishaps here or there, like not realizing wood might possibly have to be chopped in order to stay warm. But all in all until the end their mishaps are typical and almost expected. The major problem in the story doesn't occur until the end and the audience is left with the knowledge of the two boys accidentally burning down the cabin.

        I loved how close the narrator and his friend were and how it seemed like nothing would ever stop them from being that way. Clearly they're in college now, yet still they're as good of friends as they once were when they were little. I loved the dialogue between the boys; it felt real and conversational, especially the little instances where mumbling occurs. I also thought that the idea of rediscovering their lost "boyhood" was affective because we're not just given a story about two boys who go on a trip and something happens, in other words, it makes the story more personal because we can see and essentially feel the connection to the narrators friend.  It's as if he's supposed to be our friend as well because the description of the old days and his time spent with the narrator was well cherished even if they weren't necessary "best friends." They were close enough to want to make this trip together. I also liked how college was the reason they felt they had something to prove to one another. It was easy to relate to especially concerning the Facebook references.

         There were some instances where I felt a bit overwhelmed for instance, in the beginning the reader has a lot to take in before we actually get to the trip. I felt that some of the detail concerning the boys background together could've been condensed a bit. I enjoyed the detail in sometimes but other times I felt it was a bit unnecessary-almost too much which could take away from the story. The beginning starts off slow but then the rest of the story seems to move rather quickly. I'd like to see some more imagery especially with the cabin and what happened chopping the wood and maybe some more details of what happened when Connor didn't know what a flu was and forgot to open it, and the area in general maybe but otherwise I enjoyed reading this story.

Respone to The Day Beverly Lost Jessica

       The Day Beverly Lost Jessica is about Beverly  and her twelve year old daughter Jessica's aspiration to become a famous pop-star. Jessica has an audition with "WORLD WIDE MUSIC" in which Beverly is hesitant from the start because she thinks Jessica doesn't realizes whats shes getting herself into. The story becomes chaoitic as we see Beverly's fears surface while also seeing the happy emotions Jessica is feeling due to the company wanting to make her a star. The further the story goes on, the more Beverly essentially loses Jessica until the end when a brawl breaks out in the waiting room and it is suggested that Jessica join it to I'm assuming fit the image.

      I enjoyed how the story began with the description of Beverly and Jessica walking up to the "World Wide Music" building and the image it presented, with the bird's nest and the "O" being repainted. The narrator allows you to feel the same way about the building and its uneasy-ness. There's a sense that this company can't be all its thought to be if the outside looks this way, not to mention Beverly's reaction to it all. I thought the waiting room atmosphere was described nicely and it reminded me of the various casting calls I went on with my brother back in the day. They all seem to be the same wherever you go.The descriptions of the internet sensations along with the overlap of worried thoughts from Beverly and excited thoughts from Jessica was done quite well. I also thought it was interesting that the songs Jessica seemed to be singing or hearing while messing around in the studio seemed to foreshadow what was really going on.

    But there were times when I couldn't really tell who was talking and felt a little lost as to what was really going on. I thought maybe the part where all of the confusion occurs could be a bit more clear or perhaps the narrator could give little hints that would allow the audience to know who's talking or what's happening. I didn't really know if Jessica was playing music or if someone was in the booth singing/recording. Other than that I thought the story was really good and loved the idea of the "12-year old who grows up to fast because 13 is right around the corner and she thinks she all of the sudden grown," because everyone knows you're grown once you're a teenager.